Thursday, April 12, 2018

Spooky Scary Skeletons

Salutations my lovely internet dwellers <3

See! I kept my promise this time and I'm here to spill my soul. A bit dramatic really but you will eventually learrn I'm a drama queen. 

So let's dive into this session of confession.

I like spooky things. Growing up I have always liked things on the supernatural, horror, science fiction and the like. I have also been into dying my hair bright colors and body modifications since I was a preteen. 

I have tried to bury these loves in order to fit the mold of what an almost 30 year old woman should be like. Like I said in my last post-I'm sick and tired of trying to appease people. People constantly ask me why I dye my hair the colors I do. Why do I choose the hairstyles I do. Why do I put holes in my body and go through the pain of having a needle shoved into my body. The answer is pretty simple, honestly. 

It makes me feel pretty.

Now, I get it. Some of you will look at me with my big ear holes, my septum piercing, tattoos and blue-green hair and think- that's a hot mess. That's a hoodlum. That's a Satanist (nothing wrong with them, by the way. I'm just not one.) That's a drug addict and a menace.

You're entitled to believe whatever you want about me. I don't look this way for you. I don't spend hundreds of dollars to look this way in order to scare you or get any sort of reaction from you. I do this because when I look in the mirror I want to see someone I love. I want to look in the mirror and feel confident and beautiful.

 I have learned that when I try to fit the mold- when I dye my hair my natural color  and remove my piercings- I feel like crap. I don't like who I see in the mirror. So I'm not going to make myself into someone I don't love just to make you feel better. 

Alright. Confession is complete. I'm going to start doing projects to help make my apartment more me. Also to drive away the boredom that seeps into my bones when I'm not at work. I already have some projects in mind so I just need to get supplies. Now, I said I like spooky things so it should be without surprise that my apartment will also be spooky themed. I'm excited. I will keep you all posted. 

Until next week-be kind and be safe

Friday, April 6, 2018

Ain't It Fun?

Salutations my lovely internet dwellers <3.

I am now 26 years old as of last week and I would love a do over. It really was the worst birthday I have yet to experience BUT... it got better. Oddly enough, due to the craptastic birthday I had I somehow wasn't bothered as much by all the ridiculousness that followed afterwards.This ridiculousness involved my car dying (I won't lie. I was upset by that. Some tears were shed), my electricity being shut off and my best friend of years telling me she was done with me.  I tell you this because I am starting to think that due to all the hurt and stupidity I have gone through since 2015 I just keep my chin up and trudge on through the madness.

The abridged version of what I've been through:
  • I proposed to my ex on Leap Day (I'm not Irish, I know.Whatev.) of 2016. 
  • The dream of getting my B.S in Biology died when I could not pass Calculus and it was a huge blow to my self-worth.
  •  I had started going to a psychiatrist for my extreme anxiety and depression. We went through the fun game of, "Will this pill make you happy or want to die?" and it was a terrible game that I was losing. Eventually it got so bad I went to the ER and checked myself into the ward. I stayed for a week and was diagnosed Bipolar II and given a magical combination that I still take today.
  • I broke up with my then fiance because he was not growing with me. Later found out he had been cheating on me for the last two years of our relationship.
  • It occurred to me that said crappy man was actually emotionally abusive and I had simply been burying the knowledge under my blinding love. 
  • Best friend (that no longer is my friend) left me a rundown apartment to go live with a boy even though she promised she would be my roommate. Even though she knew I couldn't make it on my own (I'm kind of doing it. Sort of)
  • Learned not a single person on this planet has the right to make you feel small or unloved.
  • Decided I was no longer going to be a passenger in my life. I was ready to say "FUCK YOU" to all the doubt, the worry, the idea of disappointing others. All of it. This is my life and if you don't like what I am doing or what I love or who I love then you are more than welcome to exit.***

That last one was technically rather recent, actually. I am exhausted from trying to please people. I am tired of being the good child or the Manic Pixie Dream Girl. I am working on loving myself. On how to love my life. Just love in general. If you have a problem with my method or my expression you can leave with my warm wishes and hopes of peace. This girllady has no time for your judgements and opinions on things you do not personally understand.

With that I leave you until next week my dears. Yes, I promise it will be next week! I have plans and I am ready to share them with you. Until then-be save and be kind

Friday, February 23, 2018

I'm a hot mess, I know

Salutations my internet dwellers! It has been three years since I've been on here and things have been a rollercoaster. I'm on the verge of being 26 and I have learned so many things. Some great and others not so great. I decided it was time for me to hit the keyboard again because I want to share a piece of me with you. As I stated, I have learned a lot in my time away from this glowing screen and I want to share what I've learned yet maybe learn some more with your help. Or rather, learn some more about myself with typing these thoughts out.

This blog will primarily be me attempting to sort out my thoughts and feelings about different subjects or just recording my life as it happens. It will also be my story from the past three years and how much I've grown as an individual because of the trials I went through. I promise that it won't all be serious and moody, dears. I want to start creating a list of things I like as well. Things that make me happy and things that I want to achieve in the years to come. My main goal for this blog though is to share my journey and maybe make some of you internet dwellers feel not so alone. Until next time my dearies- be safe and be kind.

Monday, September 21, 2015

University Life

Salutations my beloved internet dwellers! My deepest apologies for my absence yet Uni has taken over my mind, body and soul. This is what I look like all day, everyday:
I feel like exhaustion is just simply part of the college experience (as well as life, honestly) so I'm trying not to sweat it. So to recap what has occurred so far- I did NOT continue with Quidditch. After one practice I realized many things I did not know about myself. For instance, my ability to get injured has NOT gone away with age as I had thought it had. I was the only one to get injured at this practice and it took place only an hour into the practice. Practice, by the way, is three hours long which leads to me something else I learned.  My  need to keep up is VERY strong which was displayed by not sitting out for the rest of the practice even though I could no longer run  which is vital in Quidditch. I quickly hobbled around with a PVC pipe between my legs for the remaining two hours and tried not to anger my team mates too much (failed on epic proportions with that one). I also learned that tackling huge guys is not something I am willing to do in the name of sports and sadly about half of the opposing team consisted of really big guys. SO between the injury, the big guys,  the fact that I wake up too early to stay at school so late and run around for three hours and all my academic responsibilities lead me to my decisions to cease Quidditch.

Other things that have passed include first exams and quizzes and many, many, many cups of coffee. As I stated previously, my life is nothing but school and just a dash of work so nothing tantalizing I'm afraid. I do hope to muster up a post that isn't journal-like yet I wonder if there is something you all would like to see me post? I am totally open to suggestions!

Until next time, dearies

Live long and Prosper <3 

*image retrieved from Weheartit

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

A new adventure begins!

Salutations my enchanting internet dwellers! So on Monday morning I woke up at 5:30 AM (thank goodness I'm a morning person) for my first day as a Nole. The gif below was basically my reaction/feelings on said morning.

I was overjoyed for my summer break to end  so I could get back to school. If you don't recall from my previous post or could not gather it from that statement- I'm a bit of a nerd.It's just that I love learning and growing as a person so not being in that environment was agonizing. Now the wait is over and I'm nearly done with my first week. So far it has gone preposterously well! All my classes are extremely stimulating and I have begun to look into research projects I would like to become a part of. I am honestly so happy with all these opportunities I have been given and although I am slightly intimidated I cannot wait to tackle them all and show the world what I know I am capable of. 

Are you currently in school? If so, what are your current goals and aspirations? If you're not, when you were in school what were you interested in/decided to do? Let me know in the comments dearies!

Until next time

Live Long and Prosper <3

Thursday, August 13, 2015

New Outlook on Life

Salutations my lovely internet dwellers! If you had not noticed by my sign off...I'm a bit of a nerd. Anyone who follows me on Tumblr or is friends with me on Facebook will be bombarded by science related posts or Harry Potter/Sherlock/Orphan Black/Star Trek posts. This is my way of life. So when I saw this following image I immediately fell in love and decided to try to live my life with this outloook:
Seriously though, how perfect is this?! Some background on this -I am what most people would call a cynic. I am skeptical of everyone and their motives and when I saw this at the beginning of this year it struck a nerve with me and I decided I was done with that. I look around me and I see a lot of people are so cynical nowadays and I'm/was utterly tired of it. It is way easier to be cynical than it is to be happy and positive and I do love me a challenge! So I decided not to follow the cynical hype and try to stay positive. I can't say I have been positive 100% of the time but when I feel like I'm slipping back into my cynical ways I just think of this image and I try harder and I can honestly say am a much happier and far more pleasant person to be around with this new change.

What do you guys do to keep you staying positive, dearies? Listen to a particular song? Look at pictures of adorable animals? Let me know in the comments!

Until next time

Live long and prosper <3

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Here we go again!

Salutations! My dear internet dwellers, I have soooo much to tell you! If you had not noticed (which wouldn't be surprising, honestly) that I have been absent for a very long time. This is because I had decided about two years ago that I couldn't continue with this blog because I felt like I wasn't capable of creating entertaining content for you guys. Then suddenly I had this urge to write for you guys again so here we go!

So two years has passed since I've written anything and a lot has happened. I've finished my A.A at the local community college and earned a 4.0 in my last semester there. I was accepted into FSU and into their undergraduate research group and will participate in their Quidditch team (pictures, I promise). I am overjoyed with all the opportunities heading my way and I cannot wait to share it with all of you. Before I took my absence I said I would be posting about things other than just using this blog as a diary and I still plan on doing that. I will be posting studying tips, science related information (I'm a biology major-science is a major part of my life), pictures of activities/things I like and a slew of other things. I will try to keep a schedule for posting so these gaps will not occur. Until then my dears

Live long and prosper <3